Editor’s Note: Grace Ueng is the founder of Savvy Growth, a noted leadership coaching and management consulting firm, and an expert on wellbeing and performance science. Grace writes a regular column on happiness & leadership for WRAL TechWire.
In preparing to give a HappinessWorks™ program to a group of women executives in New York City next week, I thought quite a bit about just why gratitude is so important.
How to keep satisfied?
Credit: Pixaby
The way we are wired, it is hard for us to stay satisfied, as we hunt for the next win. Humans have evolved from our earliest days, when we would have been eaten alive otherwise.
The way out of this running on this hamster wheel is to be content. To want what we have, rather than to have what we want.
Contentment makes Finland world’s happiest country
When I traveled to Finland last year for the International Women’s Forum global conference, I researched just what made the country top the charts for nearly a decade as the happiest country in the world. (see: Why Finland is Important to You)
It is not because people live in darkness and frigid cold for months and not because people go around wearing smiley faces all the time. It is because people are content.
Why appreciate the good? The good appreciates!
How have I grown more content? I remember that when you appreciate the good, the good appreciates. A simple thought, and very powerful to retrain your brain away from negative thoughts.
Last week, I was on the west coast kicking off coaching for the leaders of a fast growing company. A high potential leader they are grooming has one trait they want to turn around. He carries a sense of negativity that people dislike. Colleagues who dwell on the glass being half empty are ones that others do not want to be around.
Research shows that expressing gratitude is good for your health, lowers blood pressure and boosts the immune system, increases happiness, and lifts depression. People who express gratitude tend to take better care of themselves.
Managers who say “thank you” to people who work for them reap benefits. Researchers at Wharton divided university fund-raisers into two groups. One group made calls to solicit alumni donations in the same way they always had. The second group were told by the director of annual giving, how grateful she was for their efforts. The next week, the employees who heard her message of gratitude made 50% more fund-raising calls than those who didn’t.
Journaling and gratitude letter for my 8th grade science teacher
One way that you can build this habit into your life is to journal, listing 3 things each day that you are grateful for.
Another is to choose a cadence that works for you, such as on Thanksgiving, and write a gratitude letter and hand deliver or mail it to someone who has had a big impact on your life, a former boss, colleague, teacher.
Grace Ueng, right, spent time with her 8th grade science teacher to express gratitude.
I had the chance to visit Mrs. Mayweather, 8th grade science teacher, last fall in Atlanta who nominated me for my class science award that year. I had written to tell her believing in me had made a difference in my life.
After our visit, she wrote back to me, “It was one of the highlights of my life to have a student come back after 43 years and be as kind as you are … Remember … you made me believe in myself also.”
I didn’t know this at the time, but turns out she had just gone back to teaching after taking many years to raise three children. My learning eagerly from her made her realize she had the gift of teaching and inspiring.
Delivering a gratitude letter in the flesh will make that person’s day and also lift your happiness. I know it did for me. Research has shown this to be one of the simplest interventions to boost happiness and the impact can last for weeks, if not months in my example.
I wrote a column last year on the importance of writing thank you cards, how it is a lost art, especially with recent generations. I reread it and share again with you today in hopes this will help you develop new habits to boost your wellbeing.
What young people miss out on by not saying thanks
Have you been disappointed after taking the time to pick out a thoughtful gift to not receive a note of thanks or even an acknowledgement? Or when you ask them if they received it, they text back only one word, “Yes”?
Sadly, these days, many young people do not take the time to express appreciation. It is difficult to keep on giving graciously when gratitude is absent.
The young person may soon stop receiving gifts from you, but more importantly they are missing the benefits of being grateful.
Saying grace
The historical context of “saying grace” is to express a thankful phrase before eating, for gifts given by God, regardless of whether we’ve earned or deserved what we receive. As pointed out in this Oprah.com article, giving thanks embodies the “calm, gracious elegance of living fully and well.”
The medical community shares the physiological benefits from saying grace before meals; by sitting still and paying attention, people tend to eat more slowly, aiding digestion, and allowing your body time to register that it is full.
Mental benefits of giving thanks
In positive psychology research, gratitude is consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, and build stronger relationships.
Marty Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people. When their week’s assignment was to write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for their kindness, subjects immediately experienced a significant increase in their happiness scores. This assignment had the highest impact of all the interventions tested, with benefits lasting for an entire month.
Gratefulness at home and work
Being grateful can improve relationships. Research shows that couples that take the time to express gratitude for their partner not only felt more positive toward the other person but also felt more comfortable expressing concerns about their relationship.
Managers who say “thank you” to people who work for them reap benefits. Researchers at Wharton divided university fund-raisers into two groups. One group made calls to solicit alumni donations in the same way they always had. The second group were told by the director of annual giving, how grateful she was for their efforts. The next week, the employees who heard her message of gratitude made 50% more fund-raising calls than those who didn’t.
One of Gallup’s “12 Elements of Team Success” derived from 30 years of behavioral research is “in the last seven days, I have received recognition or praise for doing good work.” Praise and gratitude are different, yet interrelated, with praise being a deeper level of appreciation.
Set the example
In 8 Reasons Your Kid Won’t Write Thank You Notes, HuffPost senior reporter Ann Brenoff, places the responsibility on the parent for being the role model and making the child handwrite a personalized thank you note. Our kids grow up to be us.
Successful people say “thank you”
I recently noticed how two people with large followings say “thank you” often. I have a weekly call with Tal Ben-Shahar, my happiness teacher. After sharing what is on his mind, he takes a full hour of questions from us. In thoughtfully answering each raised hand, he started his response by first saying, “thank you for your question.”
I then listened to a podcast featuring my friend, John Replogle, a Founding Partner of One Better Ventures and former CEO of Seventh Generation. He also started many answers by first saying, “Thank you.”
Over the years, I’ve emailed my financial advisor, Rick Waechter, many questions ranging from simple to very significant. He always starts his responses by first saying, “thank you.”
What Miss Manners says
Question: I’m a younger millennial, turning 28 next month. Millennials and Generation Z have radically different attitudes toward things like work culture, dining and even thank-you cards.
We simply do not place value on thank-you cards like previous generations. It’s not that we don’t appreciate you or that we feel entitled to gifts. It’s that our way of saying “thank you” is different. We don’t expect to receive thank-you cards, so please don’t expect us to send them.
Answer: While Miss Manners has always known that etiquette will often change with the times, expressing gratitude is something upon which she will not budge. She is sure that your internal appreciation is brimming, but people who take the time to pick out presents deserve the external and explicit kind.
Miss Manners’ inbox is full of complaints to that effect and she assures you that they are not just coming from the older generations.
How to say thank you
Recipients don’t care how the notes were phrased, they react to the warmth. The card can be just a few sentences including what the gift was and how much you like it and how you may be using it. Then a few words about the importance or impact the person has had on you, and then close again with your sincere thanks.
How will you show gratitude for your team or colleagues this week?
About Grace Ueng
A management consultant, leadership coach and human performance expert with Savvy Growth, Grace has been covered in The Wall Street Journal, Inc., and MIT Technology Review. Leaders call her when seeking a strategic review of their business, when going through a pivot point, or when they’d like to have a thinking partner to hold them accountable to stretch goals.
Her company offers workshops to improve team effectiveness: Savvy’s Seven: What You Will Learn.
Join her Happiness & Leadership community to be more productive leader: click here
