If you know me, you know I tend to dabble in the stock market. And if you know the stock market, you know that illustrious financial analysts make (Bold! Shocking! Market Moving!) predictions about the future of technology and, let’s face it, they mean nothing. One firm’s buy is another firm’s underweight… or overweight, I always get those mixed up – why is overweight good?

Some of these recommendations are just plain nuts. How could you possibly have a buy on BlackBerry ($BBRY)? They just put out a pager, I think.

I get it. It’s about financial tradability, not necessarily the long-term viability of the company or its products. But every call is still based on the ability of the company and its products to succeed. So even if it’s a trade, there has to be a catalyst.

Or irrational exuberance. Either will do.

Have you ever read recommendations of public tech companies? Most read like they were written not by technologists, but by bankers. Research Note: This is because they were, indeed, written by bankers.

So, as with most things I barely understand, I thought to myself: “Hell, I can do better than that.”

Here’s what I think 2015 has in store for the tech darlings I fell out of love with in 2014. I’ll use terms and reasoning that just about anyone can relate to.

Netflix: Sell

I’m going to ruffle a lot of feathers here by disparaging everyone’s favorite binge-enabler, but can you remember the last time Netflix struck a deal for access to MORE content? I mean, more content than it makes on its own, which is an undertaking so costly that we all shrug when we hear that Tom Cruise still gets $20 million a movie instead of calling for his head like we do with the CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch.

Every year at about this time I get another free 1-month trial of Netflix and every year I take it and put a note on my calendar 30-days later with a link to cancel because every year there are about three new things on Netflix that I want to watch.

This time around I noted that the $7.99 option excludes HD, but if you pay the extra $1 per month for HD, you get to watch Netflix on more than one device simultaneously. So if you want to see everything in the Netflix library on something that won’t strain your eyes, you’re shelling out $19 a month, but you can watch the first Captain America while the kids watch Frozen.

I’m kidding. Netflix doesn’t have Frozen. Or the first Captain America.

At least my kids will finally get to see Good Burger. That was a tough one to find outside of Netflix.

(Here’s the joke) Because it’s terrible.

Netflix didn’t even get The Interview until everyone who was going to see it had already seen it. Netflix needed The Interview more than any other outlet, because the promise of Netflix is the promise of cutting the cord. And as much as it pains me to say this, the awful, evil, overpriced cable companies are still the best overall deal.

Time Warner got The Interview on day one.

Twitter: Sell

In another column, I mentioned that Twitter isn’t done yet but it’s sure starting to look like it. My big beef with Twitter is that while it doesn’t want to be compared to Facebook, it’s done nothing more than take pages and pages out of Facebook’s playbook, starting with making the platform more image friendly.

And just as Facebook’s efforts at being “more journalismy” resulted in post after post of “I Got Self-Aggrandization! See What Kind of Attention Need You Are!” and “What Happened Next Will Make Your Eyes Explode and Your Sister Date a Mysterious Algerian!” – I’m truly sorry for that – Twitter’s flirtation with being “more Instagramy” has resulted in pictures of people’s food on Twitter, Twitter Selfies, Twitter Successories, and Satan’s best trick ever, the combination of hashtag and stone-faced expression indicating some type of action allegedly being implied, though not actually taken.

Making Twitter more image-friendly as a platform was the worst thing that could have happened to it.

In 2013 I had already relegated Twitter from social network to news platform to opinion platform. In 2014 it was just noise and D-list celebrities yelling at each other.

Apple: Sell

Good God, Apple, get out of your own way. I used to hate Apple, but first I loved Apple back when everyone first loved Apple, when they brought the concepts of design and artistry to computers back in the 1980s when I was a kid.

Then they went and took a hard look at their most die-hard fanboys and fangirls and decided that everyone who had a Mac felt that way about it and thus everyone in the world should be a part of the Apple universe, not the other way around.

We all know the rest of the story. As personal computing hit the mainstream, open architecture and licensing were the antidote for Apple’s superiority. And if you were on a Mac in the 1990s, you were either a designer or you were in a movie playing a businessperson, not actually a businessperson. If you were a businessperson in the 1990s, you were on a beige Wintel PC. Because everyone was. There was no choice.

Just as Apple’s computers started catching up and my love was restored, the iPod, then the iPhone hit. Great. Welcome back, Apple.

The iPhone was huge, partially due to timing. The iPhone was released right at the cusp of everyone being able to put a computer in their pocket. The iPad had its niche, but it wasn’t the niche that Apple expected. iPads are frilly notepads. They’re not computers in the way that the Pro or even the Air is a computer. iPads are used to take your order at restaurants that are cooler than you.

Then Apple went and bought that headphone company… hmm… yeah.

Then, while over the last 10 years I’ve seen dramatically FEWER watches on people’s wrists, mainly because iPhone, Apple announced iWatch.

Apple Pay could be amazing. But, like Bitcoin, I’m not seeing the problem to this very elegant solution. Money is in the cloud already, it’s just that you need a piece of plastic to access it, and the iPhone is never going to get credit card thin. If anything, it’s going the other way.

Which, full circle, also happens to be killing the iPad.

Apple, you’re really good at computers, mostly when those computers look more like phones than beige Wintel PCs.

Is there stuff out there I like? Yeah. I like Tesla. I still actually like Amazon, even though they too are trying way too hard to be a media company. And I like Google, not even for Android but for their R&D and startup arms. But even these I’d call holds.

You know me. If you’re going to invest in tech, startups are the place to be. I’d still love to see Netflix, Twitter, and Apple hit home runs and restore my faith in them. And maybe they will. It just doesn’t look like it’ll be anytime soon.

Editor’s note: Joe Procopio is a serial entrepreneur, writer, and speaker. He is VP of Product at Automated Insights and the founder of startup network and news resource ExitEvent. Follow him at @jproco or read him at http://joeprocopio.com