WRAL Tech Wire

Fighting Cancer: Self Pity is not an Option. Believe. Fight. Have Faith.

RESEARCH TRIANGLE PARK – Recently in this Colon Cancer Awareness Month, I wrote about my battle with the deadly disease, and many people responded with notes of encouragement while also sharing their own stories.

One woman wrote that she and her husband were very afraid about the chemo regime he was about to begin in his own battle against the deadly killer. With the couple’s approval, I am sharing with you the letter I sent to them.

Many of us who fight cancer can help others by encouraging fellow sufferers and their families – and also by warning everyone to be screened, be it for breast cancer or other forms, such as colorectal, that can be treated effectively if caught early.

The letter, slightly edited, follows:

“Thank you so much for your note and your thoughts. My appointments with two doctors went well, and I'm on two new different medications plus adjusted dosage for another.

“I am sorry to hear about your husband, and both of you are in my prayers.

“I am hardly one to give advice but here are some observations:

“1. Chemo does not affect everyone the same way, so as uncomfortable as it may be it certainly beats the alternative.

“2. I did not receive chemo through a port. That actually may be easier for him to tolerate. I received my chemo through an IV.

“3. It's been 2 1/2 years since I received chemo, and many advances have been made since then. I'm sure the treatments are more effective with fewer side effects.

“4. Please do not be scared about the treatment. After my first one (my wife came along for comfort and support), I was able to drive myself home. I was sensitive to hot/cold beverages and food but I was able to eat and drink even while receiving the treatment. I experienced little discomfort. The nurses will monitor your husband quite closely.

“5. The side effects did impact my feet (numbness), but there is no reason why I can't be more physically active than I am. I just need to push myself. I suggest your husband - and you - look at the chemo as a challenge to defeat, as a wonderful opportunity to be victorious over his cancer.

“6. A positive mental attitude is so, so important. You are there to support him with love, smiles, a hug and a kiss. Without my wife, Lynda, who refused to let on how worried she was, I would not have made it through all the treatments, the surgery, the recovery, and the further treatments. Your husband must have faith that he, too, will be healed. Together you can - you WILL - win. That must be your belief.

“7. Survival rates continue to improve as we learn more about cancer. My cancer had not spread to my lymph nodes but the doctors were never 100 percent sure about that. CT scans and PT scans are amazing advances that help doctors find and destroy cancer. Radiation is much safer, much more accurate, and effective. I came through six weeks of pretty heavy treatments in fine shape other than some discomfort. And medication helped. In fact, when I told a radiologist about a problem I has having she asked if I was taking my medicine. No, I replied sheepishly. Take it, she scolded me. You're a sick man. I obeyed, and I felt much better.

“8. Your friends and family and doctors and nurses are there for support. Your husband can't beat this by himself, and you can't support him alone, especially if both of you are working. Your treatment center offers counseling and support. There are many support groups of cancer survivors. Take advantage of these opportunities. There is strength in numbers.

“9. Prepare yourself for mood swings. He may not like the treatments. Sometimes he may feel hopeless and alone. Encourage him. Tell him he's got to be a fighter - just like Kay Yow at N.C. State and Jim Valvano before her. Yes, Jim lost his fight but oh what a fight he waged - and the encouragement, the motivation he gave others will never, ever be forgotten.

“10. Self pity is NOT an option. Believe. Fight. Have faith. Winning is the ONLY option.

“I recently interviewed a doctor at Duke University. He and I talked about former New York Mets pitcher Tug McGraw whose "You Gotta Believe!" attitude took the Mets to a World Series title. Tug lost a fight against brain cancer, but he never lost hope that he would win. The Duke doctor believes that cancer IS curable, and he has hundreds of patients who are alive today because they believed. And he and his fellow doctors at that Duke clinic fight some of the nastiest cancers of all.

“Plus, I wrote for Metro Magazine in Raleigh three years ago as I started my treatments.

“I'm still alive and still on the right side of the grass, as I heard someone say recently.

“I endured the chemo, the radiation, the surgery, recovery, more chemo and I take my medicine every day. Yes, I have cranky feet. But I am alive - by the grace of a God who loves me, a Son who bears our stripes for us, doctors and nurses and technicians who did their job wonderfully and professionally and a wife, family and friends who have never wavered in love, support and positive attitude.

“Your husband CAN beat this. You can help him do that.

“My prayers are with you, and I hope you will keep me posted on your husband's progress.

“God bless you both.

“John 3:16.”

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